Friday, January 29, 2010


OK, so usually I wouldn't put such a melancholy post online but I think I will.  I can't seem to pull myself up and out right now.  My "homework" this week from my doctor (Anne, the best & coolest dr ever) is to think of as many things as possible that I love to do, that I'm passionate about BUT the list has to be at least 10.  I really can't do it.  I can't think of even a few things I'm passionate about right now.  I feel lost.  Chronic pain is so insidious and changes your life if ways you couldn't have even imagined.  I wish I knew how to rebuild myself.  I wish I had enough left in me to want to.

So, where does it all go from here?  I wish I knew.  All I see is a black abyss and continual ongoing pain without end.  Hope deferred makes the heart sick.  I can see why.  I can also see why hope is in *the* list along with faith and love because it's a lot more important than we realize.  Problem is, we often don't realize it until it isn't there anymore.

So me, the former eternal optimist, has lost hope.  What happens next?

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